The Letter

The rain pours heavily. The thunder and lightning roar and strike at once. However, it does not make me curl myself to sleep. Instead, I stay awake the whole night. I can’t get over holding his picture frame in my hand. His laughter still echoes in my ears. I could still feel the warmth of his embrace. And remembering those moments I shared with him makes me burst in tears. I felt guilty…
It was my college graduation when I met him again. For three years since mom died, it was the first time that I felt I was not alone. After talking to my grandparents, who served as my parents since then, they allowed me to live with him. They said it was the time for me to feel the love I’ve been longing for. And so did I.
During those days that we are together, I felt so much love that I thought would never end. He never forced me to find a job. He just let me do everything that I want. As days passed by, I found out one thing about him. He was so protective of me. He never wanted me to leave his sight. Every time I went out with my friends, he wanted me to tell all the details me and my friends are doing. It was as if I could not breathe. I felt the rebel inside me.
And so one time, I went with my friends somewhere out of town without telling him. I just left a note at his room saying, “Gotta hang out with my friends. See you soon. Mwuaah.”
When we arrived in my friend’s hometown, I opened my phone to be shocked of a lot of messages from him. I know his mad, but I felt I won over him that time. Instead of replying to his message, I switched off my phone. Four in the afternoon the next day, when my friends and I decided to be back home. As my car parked at the garage, I saw him standing at the main door. I got off the car and went directly to him.
“How could you do this to me Maricel? I was so worried of you. Are you thinking of that?” He said furiously.
“I’ve left you a letter, hadn’t I?” I said quite raising my voice.
“Is it enough? Do you think that letter would take away my worries? I was thinking if you have eaten your meal. I’m afraid of the thought that something might happen to you. I was…”
“Oh common! I’m old enough to take care of myself. You don’t have to worry at me as if I am still five years old. Besides, I had learned to live my life without you. Why do you have to come and manipulate my life? I do not need you! Just leave me alone!” I said, shouting.
PAK! For the first time he laid a hand on me. Never that my mom nor my grandparents did. I was shocked, more than terrified.
“I’m sorry sweetie. I never meant it. It just that… You can’t tell me to stop worrying at you. I love you and I’d promised…”
Oh yeah? You love me? That’s why you slapped me?” I sarcastically said as I went back to my car and drove off. Unaware I was driving so fast, I hadn’t noticed the ten-wheeler truck at the intersection. I was almost hit when a blue car had overtaken at me, which collided to the truck. I stepped on the brake and tried to turn the wheel at the right. My car bumps on the post beneath the street. Everything went blurred but I managed to gaze at the man inside a blue car. It was him.
When I woke up, I was in a hospital. My grandparents are the first persons I saw near the bed. Grandma sat beside hugged me and in between sobs, she said, “He’s gone Maricel. He’s gone.”
The rain hadn’t stop yet. Here I am, still holding his frame. Beside it was a small box and a letter with my name on it. I took the letter and read it.
Sweetie,
“ I always wanted to be with you. I still can’t forget the day you showed me your first smile. I was the happiest man in land. It seems like an angel has come and brightens my day. You and your mom was my life. I don’t want to end the day without you by my side.
But things should not be that way always. You had grown up and I have to work so I could provide you all your needs. Even if that means losing my chance to be with you, and how you will  grow, I left to Saudi Arabia with a broken heart. But in my mind and in my heart, I have to convince myself that the reason of this all is for your own good.
When your mom died, I think that a part of me was lost. A part of my life was taken and I almost end my own life too. However, your face lingers in me. I have to move on, for my angel. I have to continue my life so I could still give all the things you want. Seeing you receiving your diploma makes me a proud dad. I felt that all my sacrifices are all worth it.
I had decided to renew my contract again, sweetie. I felt like I’d interrupted your life. we’re so close yet, I felt like something was putting a distance between us two. I may be leaving again, but I will always love you. And I know this time, you can already stand by your own.
But before I’ll leave I want to give something to you.This necklace was my gift to your mom on our first wedding anniversary. I hope you’ll take care of this as what your mom did. I love you so much, sweetie.”
                                                                                                           Love,
Daddy
P.S. Hopefully, I will see you wearing it, my baby.

I can’t hold back my tears. A feeling of guilt and regret cover me. The least thing I can do now. Yet, for it’s too late, too late for me to say that I understand him now. That I love him too.