Don’t get me wrong here. I just want to make you understand at this beginning that I’m not so numb. I know what a girl should do and what she shouldn’t. I get around. I listen to the radio. I have lots of friends. So you see, I know who I am. I’m a girl and I know that though they say I’m a man trapped in a woman’s body. I’m more masculine they say. Well, I won’t explain further about what they think of me. First and foremost, this is not what I’m going to tell you. I just want to give you an idea of how I’m not so numb.
My excitement is surging up every minute when I remember an experience that beat me flat stupid for the first time. It all started with a missed call, one Friday evening when I was busy preparing my report on WRE. No name appeared on my cell phone screen. I thought it was for my friend who was the real owner of the SIM card I’m using. I forwarded my friend’s number on that person thinking that that person would stop from sending me messages. But then, maybe born to pester, it keeps on sending messages that annoys me to the extent that I had to take revenge. We exchange messages until 1:30 a.m. annoying each other. Before I went to sleep that moment a certain thought came into my mind, “I would research for this mysterious person starting tomorrow.”
One Sunday, my friend and I had it planned to attend an afternoon mass. After we receive the final blessing, we decided to take a stroll in the town’s plaza sine we rarely see each other. The weather was showering as its raindrops that we dogged to play “catch me if you can”.
I was running away from my friend when suddenly I slipped. Before my body could touch the sticky, slippery, chocolate- colored ground, a warm arms cradled around my waist. My savior smiled. I just smiled at him too, just to cover the embarrassment I felt. Before the day ends, we exchange phone numbers for me to find out that he was my annoying text mate.
You see, it was very funny how I met him. But at that instant, a strange feeling swept me off my feet. I know I was stricken by cupid’s arrow and I fell desperately in love for the first time. He is a man that no girl, I know, will fail to give a second, a third and a fourth glance.
The moment our eyes met and clashed, I knew he was what I’d be with for a life time. He is a member of the school basketball varsity team. He moved with grace like that of a king of beast. He’s actions were all sure, his voice commanding with authority. Although he is a typical man who is very for-out and hard-headed, he arrested my keen attention.
He is the rugged but handsome type, happy-go-lucky and never really cares what happens. And on right timing, he, too, was looking for a girl of my type. I know I am neither beautiful nor ugly just plain simple with a face I could show with confidence. His exact words were “strong, straight and frank”. Take note that I have charms of my own.
Time came that we became inseparable. I would always hold his cell phone everytime he plays basketball and his other things. I am his only girl- friend, the only person who knows his password. I’m the only one who could open his email, and approve or disapprove those who invite him (he-he!)
Anyone with good perception would sense that a bond has held us both. There was no courtship; we just understand what we want. Our friends keep on asking the score between us but we prefer to keep silent! I never deny! I never admit! I just let those people think! I never even bother to stop for second thought their teasing. We were glued to each other like paper to paper. I become his master and he was my slave. Sometimes he was my master and I was his slave. Never before that have I permitted anyone to dominate me. Never before did it happen too that I have fallen flat to a man. And he’s really quite a man…
Suddenly, my world turned upside down. He graduated first. On the day of his graduation, I was there! I met his family. After the closing program, he brought me home.
We stopped at the front gate. And there we stood for a moment. Then he took my hand, holds it for a while before he kissed it gently and said, “I’ll call you.”
I was here in my room now listening to the radio. I looked at the window. It was raining outside. I don’t know why the weather knew I wanted to rain. I shivered. I waited until a love song from an evening radio station faded away. Everything was quiet. The telephone’s over there.
But he said he’d call. Yes, that’s what he said, “I’ll call you.” I couldn’t sleep that night.
And that was two months ago. Tonight was the last day of summer vacation. I had my class 7:30 tomorrow but my eyes were not yet tired. It won’t close so as my mind. I’m sitting here because I couldn’t think of anything else to do I can’t think of anything, anything but the memories two months ago.
My cell phone’s in front of me showing my favorite screen saver. I don’t even jump when it rings anymore. My heart still prays but my mind laugh out loud. And I’m just sitting here and I’m not feeling anything; I’m not sad; because all of a sudden I know. I can’t sit here forever and laugh and laugh while tears came flowing from my eyes.
Things will never be the same again. I will be still left alone. Sad ending but I won’t deny I’m still nuts about him. I know as what the stars knew all the time- he’ll never, never call. (Iammai)
